Worst Morning Ever: Part 2

So, we are sitting on the steps, five minutes until the children will be late for school.

Lucy, sitting on the coach, fully dressed with her coat on waiting patiently.

Abram, begging Lucy to put his socks on because he is having trouble with one sock.

Me: Abram, you can do it. You have put your socks on may times. Lucy does not have to do that for you.

Abram: But my sock is stretched out and it will fall of in my shoe.

Me: No, Abram. Here, I will help you. <puts sock on, puts shoes on>

Abram likes to pull the tongues up on his shoes so I have to resist the urge to pull the tongue, I will get in trouble if he doesn’t get to do it.

Abram pulls the tongue but his one sock is a little stretched so the fabric from the heel sticks out from the back of the shoe. He can’t stand this. I am trying to be patient as he starts to get frustrated and begins to kick his shoes off. Both shoes. But why, only one is having an issue? Abram! Seriously! If you don’t like your socks just go up and get another pair before you get mad.

I go find him another pair because we are in a hurry and now we are officially late and I don’t have time for you to stomp upstairs and find another pair of socks only to realize they are a pair that definitely don’t work because they are too small or don’t fit. Guess what, these socks are a little stretched in the heel too. What happened to your feet over the break? How do your feet shrink or your socks stretch? Ugh!

Before Abram gets frustrated, because I can see it is coming, I try to encourage him to walk around a little bit, preferably to the bathroom so we can brush your teeth, and I bet your socks will work themselves out! Just walk around, they will be fine!

Well they are not fine. He starts kicking stuff off the steps and I get serious with him about how would he feel if Lucy kicked his things of the steps and now we are SO late to school and  Lucy is late because you are getting frustrated about your socks and YOU STILL HAVENT BRISHED YOUR TEETH OR TAKEN YOUR VITAMINS AND WE ARE LATE!!!!

I hate being late. That’s my trigger. I can hold it together until someone or something gets in the way of me being on time for things.

FINE!!!! He says and stomps his way to the bathroom. Knocking over everything in sight in his way.

Now in therapy, they tell me to ignore this behavior because it is for attention but seriously, stop knocking all my S*** over!

As he gets to the bathroom he screams “FINE!” again and tries to slam the bathroom door in my face. Big bad Mom catches the door and says “Oh no you don’t. Don’t you slam the door on your Mother. I AM YOUR MOTHER!”. Ha_ha. He’s really happy about that right now I bet.

In hind sight, If I had just ignored him and done what I was supposed to do, we would have still been late, we were late any way, but maybe he would have calmed down and the following fight would not have ensued?

Oh well ya know. Eh.

So. I make his tooth brush for him to speed up the process. He sticks the brush in his mouth and sits on the toilet, he does not brush. He sits.

We are in a hurry!

I take the brush and start brushing his teeth. I am sure I am lecturing him now, and threatening that if he doesn’t get it together all of his toys will be gone from his room when he gets home from school.

Lecturing when your kids are mad or upset doesn’t work. Yet, I still always think its a good idea and one day, my kids will listen and think my ideas are the best and tell me they are sorry and give me a hug and never do anything wrong again.

Something goes wrong while I am brushing his teeth and he gets mad. I must have bothered his loose tooth. O well, you want it to come out anyway. He then proceeded to go straight to the towel instead of spitting in the sink.


Abram: (Totally has had it with his Mom and loses all control of his temper) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I WASN”T!!

Me: (Wait for it… totally proud Mom moment here…) <crouches down in childs face> AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! HOW DO YOU LIKE IT?????? HOW DO YOU LIKE IT WHEN SOMEONE SCREAMS IN YOUR FACEEEEEEEE???? ROARRRRRRR…

Abram runs. I follow. He’s yelling stuff, can’t remember what it is now but he was probably yelling about how much he loves me. I’m hot. So pissed off. Lucy is still sitting on couch patiently. I commend Lucy. I Tell Abram that it is time to go and we have to go. He runs upstairs. If you do not come down stairs right now, I am taking all of your toys. They WILL NOT be here when you get home.


If you do not come down RIGHT NOW I am leaving you here by yourself!

Lucy looks at me. I tell her to go get in the car.

Abram. Fine. I am leaving you here.

Unfortunately, my first thought was that when I get back from school, he will have destroyed everything in the house and I didn’t want to have to clean it all up.

Seriously. That was your first thought Janet?

My second thought was, I can’t do that, it’s illegal.

I stomp up the steps.

I see Abram with his back against the wall and his arms crossed. I can’t leave you here. It’s illegal. You have to come with me.

Abram: NO!

Me: Yes!

Abram: NO! Humph!

I try to pick Abram up. He is REALLY heavy and really strong. He starts swinging and trying to sit down. Somehow, Super Mom (that’s me, obvi) gets ahold of him and picks him up. I storm down the steps. I grab his sweatshirt, not his winter coat because he hates it and I don’t want to fight about that too (I’m so thoughtful). I grab his backpack and I storm out the door. I get him through the van door before he jumps out of my arms.


I slam my car door and throw the van into reverse.

It is at this moment that I realize it is 16 degrees outside and I am only wearing a long sleeve shirt and some leggings. Abram is going to be freezing in his sweatshirt. Maybe his teacher will not take them out for recess since its so cold. I hope not.

Finally we get to school. I let Lucy go. I Give her a big hug and apologize about the morning and tell her that I am really proud of her for doing a great job. I storm back into the car. I am having a mental dilemma. I need help. Clearly I am out of control. I am angry and I lost self control. Abram is mad and angry and I don’t know what to do. DO I take him home? Do I carry him in and request a meeting with the school counselor? What do I do? How do I redeem this situation? This is NOT how I want to drop my kids off at school.

I love my kids so much and the last thing I want to do is ruin their lives. Or their day. Both are not good. Ha.

I get back in the car and I look at Abram. Silent. Looking at his feet. Arms crossed.

Abram, I love you. I am very sorry for getting angry with you. I love you very much and I hope you can forgive me. Do you forgive me?

We get out of the car.

IT IS FREAKING FREEZING and I almost lost all of my fingers walking into that school.

We get to the entrance and I get on my knees, apologize again and give Abram a big hug and told him to have a great day.

You know what the miracle in this story is? He hugged me back. He embraced me. He hugged me. He still loves me. Sometimes I don’t know why, but they do. I didn’t deserve his love or forgiveness this morning, but he gave it to me anyway.

He never spoke to me after we got out of the car and before he left me for class… but I know he still loves me.

At 9:00 AM on Tuesday morning, I am half in tears and half on my way to happy hour.

Before I decided to write this post, I was laying in my bed texting my husband, teary eyed, praying and high on adrenaline.

Writing is a really good outlet for me and helps me sort through my feelings…

I am not a perfect Mom and sometimes I really suck. Being a parent is really hard. I am going to feel guilty about this for days. I will try to smother my children in affection when they get home from school to try and make up for my ass-holeness this morning which they will deny and I will feel sad.

So, as I set here reflecting on todays events, I am an hour late for work. I have done 0 housework (sorry Ryan!). I am cold. I am sad. I am disappointed. But, I also have hope. I have hope that God will redeem this situation. I have hope that one day, we will not have days like this. Maybe I will have many days like this until I get to Heaven, but I will not have days like this in Heaven. And lastly, I am grateful. I am grateful that I am not alone. I am grateful that I have children that will love me one day (haha) and I am grateful that everyday is an opportunity to become a better person. In the Christian world be call this sanctification, but for everyone, isn’t every opportunity an opportunity to grow and learn? We still fail, I will fail again, but that is just another opportunity to try again.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4


And, now I am an hour and 15 minutes late for work…





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Worst Morning Ever: Part 1

I have to write this. Please do not judge me about the situation that took place this morning. It’s ok if you do,  as long as you know you’re not perfect either. #momlife

This is my son Abram. Some of you may (or may not) know that he is a seriously difficult kid. Cute and funny, but difficult. Oh my word.


He is pretty cute though, right?

Abram has so many great qualities. It took a long time to see them because the negative in his personality far outweighed the positive. As he has gotten older those positive traits have been able to come out and I have been able to enjoy him so much more. Don’t get me wrong, he is my son and I love him more than anything, but I have not always *enjoyed* him.

For the past year Abram has been in therapy at Kennedy Krieger. I have been saving this post for his “graduation day” but today, I need to talk about it.

I will give you a few brief details about what I just shared.

First, KK is AMAZING and we have been 100% satisfied with he services we have received there. They have given me the tools to properly support, care and discipline my children and have given Abram the tools he needs to deal with his issues.  I am a better Mom to my children because of our time there.

What are Abram’s issues? <’cause I got issues, but you got ’em too> Sorry, musical interlude.

I say issues because you understand what I mean when I say issues, but really it is just that Abram needs some extra support with some things that he struggles with.  I got to a point where I felt helpless and I did not know what else to do to help my son. Things weren’t changing or getting better and I could see that if things didn’t improve, I wasn’t sure what might come of my son or our family in the future.

Abram has a very “passionate” disposition. That means that whether Abram is happy or angry, it is expressed with sincere passion. As you can imagine, passionately happy is not a challenge. Passionately angry… well this creates some issues. Abram also struggles with mild anxiety and has some mild sensory issues that are triggers for his behavioral outbursts (before I knew it was a sensory thing, I thought he had a mild version of OCD, if that helps you understand what “sensory thing” is and didn’t feel like google-ing it).

Since we started going to Kennedy Krieger last year, Abram ‘s behavior is about 85% better than it was prior to therapy which means Abram’s quality of life is better and so is it for the people around him. Mainly his family. Mainly me. And Lucy because she isn’t getting beat up any more. Well, maybe pushed once in a while.

So, that is all I am goin to share about that but I would LOVE to talk with you more if you have questions or would like more information on our situation. I am an open book and do not mind sharing these things with you. My recommendation though, if you feel that you are at wits end with your strong willed or difficult child, or you feel that you do not have the skills to properly parent your child (for any reason), seeking help or support will be the best thing you ever did for your child… and yourself. I was apprehensive for various reasons but I am so glad that we made this decision.


With all of that being said, we still have bad days. Bad season. Bas moments. This morning, not an exception.

I knew that today would be a hard day. The children have been able to sleep in as long as they have wanted all break and have had little routine in the mornings since we haven’t had to run around to get ready for school. It has been wonderful.

I thought my struggle today would be with Lucy since she is the child that does not like school and does not like mornings. However, she surprised me when she willingly got ready for school in an appropriate time frame with minimal complaints. Yay for Lucy!

Abram, well, I had to nudge and encourage him a bit more because he over slept a little and left himself little “chill time” before we had to get out the door. The hardest part of the morning for Abram is getting dressed. Not because he doesn’t want to, but like I mentioned above, he’s a little particular about things. Particularly how his clothes fit, or feel. We pick his clothes out the night before to avoid outfit fights but though his outfit may be something he has worn 10 times, if it is a little stretched or tight or short (or not perfectly square to his toes…) on a particular morning, then comes the tantrum.

We are working on how to properly communicate our feeling when this happens but this is a big trigger for him and  will likely turns into a tantrum. Once he gets mad, he shuts down and there is little we can do to get him out of his “mood”. On a weekend or any time we are not under a time constraint, this situation may be handled a bit differently and have a different outcome but when you are trying to get to school in the next five minutes so that you aren’t late… again… the heat is on.

Have I mentioned, I may have a bit of a temper too?





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The Loss

Words absolutely are not enough to express my gratitude for all of you. Thank you, thank you for all of the messages, texts, emails, cards, flowers, edible bouquets, gifts, hugs, meals, calls… this list goes on.

Without the support of my friends and family, this difficult time would not have been as bearable. Thank you for coming along side our family and caring for us in ways we didn’t expect and didn’t know we needed. You have blessed my heart and blessed my family just by your simple acts of love. Please, for what it is worth, accept my sincere appreciation.

“I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers.”       Ephesians 1:16


I was thinking about  writing a long post to tell our story, as you know that writing is a therapeutic outlet for me, but I have decided to write one post with few details because I don’t really feel like writing that much. So, if there is ever anything you want to know, feel free to ask me. I am an open book.


It has been almost three weeks since the passing and birth of our Son. Just recently I have gotten back into a normal routine and it feels really good to be back to “normal life”, though the definition of normal life has changed for me a bit. All in all, though there are still tears, we are doing well.

The short:

I realized while on vacation that the baby hadn’t been moving. I started keeping track and doing everything I could to get the baby to move. Upon returning from vacation I called into my midwife to hopefully come in for a heartbeat check, just as a precaution.  I got nervous when they sent me right over to the Perinatal Center for an Ultrasound and monitoring.

I mean, I know what it means when the baby hasn’t been moving, but my baby was just going through a growth spurt and was sleeping a lot. I am sure in a day or two I will start feeling him move again, right? Of course the thought of death was in the back of my mind, but that wasn’t going to happen to me… right?

At the Perinatal Center it was completely obvious, though the tech couldn’t tell me, that there was absolutely no movement and that our baby had in fact passed away. When the Dr. came into the room she confirmed that the baby did not have a heartbeat.

I can not explain that moment. I knew it, but I didn’t know. The reality was unbelievable. All I kept saying was “it’s okay, it’s okay, I’ll be okay, these things happen” as to keep myself from crying and to console everyone in the room who was feeling bad for me. Tears. Snot. How am I going to tell Ryan? It’s okay, it will be okay…

What do I do now? What do we do? She told me I would have to deliver my baby. Can I go right now? “You can go right now, or you can go home and talk with your family an get washed up and come back later.”

I just wanted it all to be over with. I wanted the baby out. I wanted to move on. In an instant, my whole life just changed and I did not want to deal with it. I wanted to go right away so it could all just be over but I knew that the best thing was to go home and tell my Husband and tell my kids that their brother, his Son, was gone.

We went to the Hospital at 10PM that night. I will not go into all of the details of the birth but I will say this. The HARDEST thing was to go through everything related to giving birth, and coming home without a baby. The IV’s, the Epidural, the delivery, breast milk… terrible. Absolutely heartbreaking.

The nurses gave me a bear while I was in the Hospital, I guess as a comfort thing. I HATED this bear. Hated it. I hated what it represented. I hated that it was a stupid  stuffed animal meant for a child, a child that I couldn’t keep. When I got home from the Hospital, I loved this bear so much. I loved this bear because it was the only thing I got to bring home with me. This bear now represented the child I couldn’t keep and now it sleeps in bed with us every night. It is amazing how my perspective changed about this stupid bear.

I delivered our Son at St. Joe’s Hospital at 9:10PM on June 21st. We now share a Birthday. I am honestly very happy that he came on my Birthday and not the day before or after. For some reason it felt poetic to me.

Speaking of St. Joe’s,  the staff was AMAZING and made the whole experience as positive as possible. I will always have a special place in my heart for the nurses and midwives that took care of me and cried with me and continue to support me. Because of them, there will be positive memories associated with the birth of our stillborn son.

The next hardest part after the birth was planning a burial. Seriously. There is absolutely nothing like leaving the hospital without your child and then go to the Funeral Home to plan the burial of that child. I have never experienced anything like this and I have not walked through this situation with anyone close to me so… I don’t know. This was very difficult.

My hormones were also going crazy so there was a time in the office at the Funeral Home where I started laughing and could. not. stop. I think Ryan thought I was going crazy, because it was crazy. I was numb. How can I make decisions about this? I told the man I was fine just to meet him at the cemetary to watch them put him in the ground. I don’t need anything, I don’t want anything. I just want it to be over. My Family suggested that we make more personal arrangements and so I let them plan the event without my involvement. It was very nice and I am glad that we did that. I know that I would have had regrets later if we went through with the plans that I had originally made.

After his burial we drove around the cemetery and the neighborhood witch was a very nice time of decompressing for me. I thought it was going to be the worst day ever but actually it wasn’t. It was the closing of a chapter. A really hard chapter. It was almost a relief to be “done with it all”. I know his soul was in Heaven, but having to be reminded about what happened daily because his body was still above ground, and plans still had to be made… this day allowed me to put a part of my mind at rest so that I could focus on healing and “moving forward”.

We had brunch at a lovely little brunch spot in Hamilton called the Silver Queen. If you have not been, you should go.

The other hard part is having to do everything for the first time after having been through a traumatic experience like this. Taking the kids to the park (So many kids and babies there! ha), visitors bringing you stuff, going to the pool, seeing people that didn’t know you weren’t still pregnant, seeing people that did know you weren’t pregnant, follow-up Dr. apts… all of it has been emotional for me, but it has been getting easier.

Two more thoughts and then you can stop reading…

1. It appears that there was a possible cause of death. Though I was not angry and I was honestly okay with never knowing the cause, it has been tremendously comforting knowing that there was an explanation and that there was nothing I could have done to cause or prevent it from happening. Even though they tell you not to blame yourself for things like this happening, sometimes you can’t help but think about all of the times you complained or did something you haven’t done before, even if it is considered safe. Knowing that there was a reason, though rare, helps take those anxieties and thoughts away.

Umbilical Cord Hypercoiling

2. There is a Foundation that supports families who have been through miscarriage, stillbirth and infant death called The Isaac Delisle Foundation. The founder of this foundation found out about our situation (through a mutual friend) and not only has been a complete source of comfort through our heartache, the foundation has also made a donation that completely covered the cost of our sons burial. Tears. What a blessing! You can not imagine. Maybe you can. Can you imagine?!

Ryan and I have decided that every year on our son’s due date, we will make a charitable donation to this foundation to help other families who are dealing with the same grief that we have experienced.

If you would like to contribute or support this foundation in anyway, please check out their website for more information. I know first hand how the generosity of others can make a huge impact in ones life.   http://www.isaacdelislefoundation.org/












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The Wait- Our Story

First, let me thank everyone for their love and support regarding our pregnancy announcement. We are so blessed to have so many caring friends and family!

Secondly, I am sensitive to the fact that this news may have caused some a little heart ache. I too can relate because I also have struggled with infertility for the past three years. In hind sight, three years is not that long and we do have other children, but regardless, the desire to have children and the frustration that is associated with the inability to get pregnant, whether first or fifth, is similar. I felt the same disappointment month after month and the same little pain in my heart when another friend shared that they were expecting. Of course I was happy for them, but a little part of you feels sorry for yourself too. So, I just want all of you who are struggling with infertility to know that I am sorry that our exciting news caused you a little pain and I hope and pray that you too, when the time is right, will have the opportunity to share your own exciting news (whether it be through the gift of adoption, foster care or getting pregnant naturally)!

Random unorganized thoughts below…

Because we already have two wonderful children we were not going to seek a Fertility Specialist in order to get pregnant again (though I have been seeing a Holistic Nutritionist that I believe was a contributing factor to our ability to conceive). Ryan and I  decided that we were most likely going to pursue adoption seriously after our exchange student left us this Summer.

Prior to my pregnancy, I was having a pre-midlife crisis. Abram will be starting Kindergarten in the Fall and therefore I will have both children in school fulltime. I have always imagined my life being only a Stay-at-Home Mom to a handful of children. Though I knew I still wanted to mostly be at home when my children were in school, I would most likely have to go back to work part time or go back to school which was not easy to come to terms with. I knew I would eventually be doing this, but not yet! I am not ready for this season of my life to be over!

Who am I?

Eventually, the idea of going back to school and growing in my very part-time career seemed exciting to me. The future for us changed in my mind and it didn’t look so bad. We started to plan a family trip to Europe and figure out ways to pay off debt quicker so we can moooove. Life might be okay for us. Of course it will. If it’s Gods plan for us to only have two children, his plan is what is best for us. That doesn’t mean I liked His plan right away or still didn’t hope that my dream of more children might come true one day, but he has a different plan for us and I can be excited about that.

Skip forward a few months…

I am unusually “late” so I decided to take a test. “MOM! There are two lines!!” What the… is this real? I have been used to seeing one line for so long that I thought I was seeing things when two popped up. (PSA- Dollar Store PTs work just fine.)

“I do not know how to feel about this! I think I am happy. I’m happy. Oh no, what about Europe?! This is weird. WHAT, is Ryan going to think?! Exciting. But Europe. There is a baby in there!”

Ryan was supportive when I told him.

Skip forward a few weeks.

Sick. Sick. Sick. Ughhhhhhhhhhh……

It is hard to feel excited about something when that something makes you feel like death. I am almost 16 weeks and I am just starting to come out of the sick. I most likely will still have bouts of all day nausea until my third trimester. My belly keeps growing but I can’t understand why, it hasn’t fully sunk in that I am actually pregnant. I hate food. I hate smells. I LOVE sleep. I hate food. If any one of you make brussel spouts, do not stand within a mile of me.

Lucy cried. She is not excited. Abram is SO happy and tells me all the time how much he loves my baby and is so excited. His excitement has helped me get through the sickness, his joy is infectious.

I am overwhelmed and excited. Nervous and happy. Anxious and in disbelief. We are going to be parents of three. What the crap was God thinking when he opened my womb?! =0P

new bro



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The Drums

I know some of you think we are crazy for getting a musical instrument for our preschooler. A very loud musical instrument. He would have had them last year if Mr. Price didn’t put his foot down. Thankfully he came around this year and agreed to let me get a drum kit for our boy.

Abram “plays the drums” on everything and talks about wanting to play the big drums when he gets older so naturally I wanted to help cultivate the musical side of my son, even if it meant a few disturbances here and there…

Today, Abram was up in his room practicing his drums to his favorite song. He had the song on repeat and played it over and over, each time I could here him picking up a different rhythm or trying to figure out how to play a combination he was hearing. This made me start to cry.

Why did I cry? Like, Literally cry?  I started to cry because I prayed for this.

While I was pregnant with both of my children, I prayed very specific things for them. Some things were physical, some prayers included interests and personality traits. I prayed that both of my children would be musical. I prayed that Lucy would particularly be gifted in singing and Abram instrumentally. Now I am not sure about Lucy (It’s not lookin’ good) but I can say that I definitely can see a love for instruments in Abram. He’s four, he is definitely not good yet, but I can see his passion da diligence to learn.

I always cry when I see my prayers answered in my children. It reminds me that God hears our prayers, even the really little ones deep down in our heart that we don’t think is so important. God listens, he hears, he answers. Now, he doesn’t always answer the way we would hope, or as soon as we would hope, but he does answer. [I am still waiting for my Whitney Houston voice and Ryan is still waiting to turn into a Monkey for a day (true story).]

Our children could have turned out any way He wanted them to, but that fact that God took my hearts desires into consideration, I am grateful. And thankful. And I feel loved and cared for because I know that someone is always listening and always there, even when I feel alone. Sure, I really hoped that my prayers would be answered, and I would have been fine if they weren’t, but this one prayer was, and, I use a lot of commas. <wink>

So anyway, today while he was up in his room doin his thing, I tried to sneak a few pictures and videos because I thought it was so sweet. Apparently I am not that stealthy because he caught me right away.


PS. Everyone has rooms that look like this, right?

PPS. When can I stop buying Goodnights?!




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End of Summer Blues


(Raise your hand if you are team Kohr Brothers)

Where did the summer go? It’s gone but I honestly can’t remember what I did with half of it! Too fast. I’m sad.

I may be in the minority here when I say that I am really sad to send my kids back to school. I love having them home with me so much, even though they are often the cause of most of my emotional issues.

I could keep crying. This won’t happen every year, right? I thought I’d be good after Kindergarten.

Also, Lucy’s new first grade teacher is “big on Homework”. Ugh! I have NEVER been good with homework. I’m nervous. I am sorry Lucy if you fail first grade because your Mom stinks at doing Homework. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Have I mentioned that my daughter is boy crazy? Well, she is. She is totally into love and “romance”… I can’t change it, it is who she is. I definitely try not to encourage it, but I can’t stop it either. So, can you imagine her delight when she found out her “boyfriend” was going to be in her class this year. Please note that this “boyfriend” does not know that he is her “boyfriend”. If you could have seen her face when she saw him walk into her classroom at Back to School Night this evening… oh my goodness… I just can’t. Think, high school boy crush face… rosy cheeks and all. What in the world am I going to do when she is 16?!

I am going to miss you Lu. I hope that you rock first grade like you rocked Kindergarten. You are amazingly bright and spunky and I love you so much. Be the light God created you to be!

Abram turned FOUR this weekend. I can’t believe he is four, he is my baby. Four doesn’t seem as old as it did with my first. Isn’t that weird? With Lucy I thought four was so old and I had all of these unreasonable expectations for her as a four year old. Now with Abram I’m all like “I guess you should start wiping your own butt” and I still want to carry him around even though he’s way too heavy and he crushes my lungs.

I am hoping that with this new year he will develop a little more self-control and anger coping skills. I also hope he learns to wipe his own butt and learn his ABC’s because he’s supposed to go to Kindergarten next year and to him, there are still only eight letters in the alphabet.

I love Abram so much. He is by far the most difficult child I have EVER met yet he is also at the same time the most loving child I have ever met. He loves his Mamma and tells me I am beautiful all of the time.He’s so affectionate and complimentary. Thank goodness because with all the stress he causes I need a reason to like him. Joking-ish.

Abram is passionate. Whether he is happy or sad or angry, he I passionate about it. Raising a strong willed passionate child is NOT easy, however I am very excited to see where such passion will take him as a young man. I prayed for Abram when I was pregnant, that the Lord would make him a strong leader, well… I guess I should have thought about that a little harder when I prayed that. I am thankful for the Lord’s answered prayer but OH MAN… I should have thought that one through…

You probably will not care about this but for my own records… Abram’s favorites are pizza, mac & cheese and cereal. The only vegetable I can get him to eat is cucumber and sometimes he will take a bite of a carrot. He is a picky eater and is very particular about how things are cut (symmetrically) and having proper utensils. Actually, he is very particular about everything which leads me to wonder if he has a mild case of OCD, or if this is just an interesting faze? I guess time will tell. Another specific example of this as I will want to remember in the future is how his socks have to be perfectly square to his toes, his blankets have to be positioned in a specific order and his shoes have to be tied juuuust right while the laces can’t touch the ground.

Abram’s favorite bedtime song is still Twinkle Twinkle. Abram always volunteers to be the one to pray before dinner. His favorite books are Pizza Pat, The Little Puppy and the Big Green Monster, Goodnight Already, Look and Find books and any book from the Library with Super Heroes.

Abram’s favorite things are weapons (all kinds), Ninja Turtles, watching movies, T-Ball and Soccer, playing with Daddy in “the jumpy house” we keep in our basement, swimming and snuggling with Mommy. And his big Sister Lucy whom he loves and admires, and picks on constantly. When Abram grows up he wants to be a Police Man.


Ugh. Guess I’ll try to go to bed now. I don’t want to…

One more day until school…










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My French Opportunity

When I was in first grade I went to a Private School where they taught us French. From that moment on, I always fantasized about a trip to Paris or being able to speak French fluently (I was always pretending that I could but all I could really say was “bonjour, call me Jeanette”).

After first grade my parents switched me to public school where you can’t start foreign languages until seventh grade. You can imagine my excitement that first year of French class. I have always had to work very hard in school because learning didn’t come easy to me but I was passionate about the language and I tried to work hard at it.

I continued taking French until 10th grade. At that point I did not like school and tried not to take any challenging classes if I didn’t have to so I gave up language classes once I met all of my requirements, but I wish I had stuck with it. I was not fluent but I could speak French well enough. That year there came an opportunity to travel to the French speaking part of Canada but my parents didn’t have enough money at the time to send me so I couldn’t go.

Oh well, one day I will make it to old Paris where I can eat croissants and drink boissons.

Fast forward.

I still speak French to my children, but by now I can only remember a couple phrases and words. Sometimes I can understand the context of French songs when I listen to Chalres Trenet on Pandora (which makes me excited) but other than that, I have forgotten most of what I have learned in school.

I still have a dream to travel to France one day. The idea is so romantic and dreamy. I know it will most likely be in many years once our children are grown, so I have some time to study up and re-acclimate myself with the language.

I tell Ryan (when I am whining about my desire to go to France) that “ALL I want to do is go to France, eat at a French café and speak French to a French person!”

Well, we may not have been in France, but I had my opportunity and I BLEW it!!!!!

When we were in New York City a group of French speaking citizens were walking in front of me  and I accidentally bumped into them (probably because I was eves-dropping trying to figure out if they were in fact speaking French. I am weird like that.).

Without thinking, I said:  “Excusez- Moi!”

The woman immediately turned around and surprisingly asked me (in French) if I could speak French.

I said: “un petite” (which means, a little).

Then she begins to speak French at me really fast and I was so excited and trying to listen and literally the ONLY thing I could think to say in response was:  “Pourrais je aller aux toilette s’il vous plait?” (which means, May I go to the bathroom please?)

Oh no. You can’t say that Janet. Don’t say it. Don’t say it.

So, I didn’t.

I responded to this women in English telling her that I am only visiting NYC and my dream is to speak French to a French person but my French is not very good.

She smiled at me politely, and walked away with her group.

<NOOO! You ruined it Janet!!!!>

I’m sure you can imagine that I awkwardly yelled “Au Revoir” as the lady walked away. And then I put my face in my hands. And then I complained to Ryan that I had the opportunity to live out my dream and I ruined it because the only thing I could think about was the toilet.

Ugh. Idiot! <in my very good French accent>





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