Category Archives: Baby #2: Abram

Worst Morning Ever: Part 2

So, we are sitting on the steps, five minutes until the children will be late for school.

Lucy, sitting on the coach, fully dressed with her coat on waiting patiently.

Abram, begging Lucy to put his socks on because he is having trouble with one sock.

Me: Abram, you can do it. You have put your socks on may times. Lucy does not have to do that for you.

Abram: But my sock is stretched out and it will fall of in my shoe.

Me: No, Abram. Here, I will help you. <puts sock on, puts shoes on>

Abram likes to pull the tongues up on his shoes so I have to resist the urge to pull the tongue, I will get in trouble if he doesn’t get to do it.

Abram pulls the tongue but his one sock is a little stretched so the fabric from the heel sticks out from the back of the shoe. He can’t stand this. I am trying to be patient as he starts to get frustrated and begins to kick his shoes off. Both shoes. But why, only one is having an issue? Abram! Seriously! If you don’t like your socks just go up and get another pair before you get mad.

I go find him another pair because we are in a hurry and now we are officially late and I don’t have time for you to stomp upstairs and find another pair of socks only to realize they are a pair that definitely don’t work because they are too small or don’t fit. Guess what, these socks are a little stretched in the heel too. What happened to your feet over the break? How do your feet shrink or your socks stretch? Ugh!

Before Abram gets frustrated, because I can see it is coming, I try to encourage him to walk around a little bit, preferably to the bathroom so we can brush your teeth, and I bet your socks will work themselves out! Just walk around, they will be fine!

Well they are not fine. He starts kicking stuff off the steps and I get serious with him about how would he feel if Lucy kicked his things of the steps and now we are SO late to school and  Lucy is late because you are getting frustrated about your socks and YOU STILL HAVENT BRISHED YOUR TEETH OR TAKEN YOUR VITAMINS AND WE ARE LATE!!!!

I hate being late. That’s my trigger. I can hold it together until someone or something gets in the way of me being on time for things.

FINE!!!! He says and stomps his way to the bathroom. Knocking over everything in sight in his way.

Now in therapy, they tell me to ignore this behavior because it is for attention but seriously, stop knocking all my S*** over!

As he gets to the bathroom he screams “FINE!” again and tries to slam the bathroom door in my face. Big bad Mom catches the door and says “Oh no you don’t. Don’t you slam the door on your Mother. I AM YOUR MOTHER!”. Ha_ha. He’s really happy about that right now I bet.

In hind sight, If I had just ignored him and done what I was supposed to do, we would have still been late, we were late any way, but maybe he would have calmed down and the following fight would not have ensued?

Oh well ya know. Eh.

So. I make his tooth brush for him to speed up the process. He sticks the brush in his mouth and sits on the toilet, he does not brush. He sits.

We are in a hurry!

I take the brush and start brushing his teeth. I am sure I am lecturing him now, and threatening that if he doesn’t get it together all of his toys will be gone from his room when he gets home from school.

Lecturing when your kids are mad or upset doesn’t work. Yet, I still always think its a good idea and one day, my kids will listen and think my ideas are the best and tell me they are sorry and give me a hug and never do anything wrong again.

Something goes wrong while I am brushing his teeth and he gets mad. I must have bothered his loose tooth. O well, you want it to come out anyway. He then proceeded to go straight to the towel instead of spitting in the sink.

Me: NO ABRAM! YOU BETTER NOT SPIT IN THAT TOWEL! SPIT IN THE SINK!!!!!

Abram: (Totally has had it with his Mom and loses all control of his temper) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I WASN”T!!

Me: (Wait for it… totally proud Mom moment here…) <crouches down in childs face> AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! HOW DO YOU LIKE IT?????? HOW DO YOU LIKE IT WHEN SOMEONE SCREAMS IN YOUR FACEEEEEEEE???? ROARRRRRRR…

Abram runs. I follow. He’s yelling stuff, can’t remember what it is now but he was probably yelling about how much he loves me. I’m hot. So pissed off. Lucy is still sitting on couch patiently. I commend Lucy. I Tell Abram that it is time to go and we have to go. He runs upstairs. If you do not come down stairs right now, I am taking all of your toys. They WILL NOT be here when you get home.

Silence.

If you do not come down RIGHT NOW I am leaving you here by yourself!

Lucy looks at me. I tell her to go get in the car.

Abram. Fine. I am leaving you here.

Unfortunately, my first thought was that when I get back from school, he will have destroyed everything in the house and I didn’t want to have to clean it all up.

Seriously. That was your first thought Janet?

My second thought was, I can’t do that, it’s illegal.

I stomp up the steps.

I see Abram with his back against the wall and his arms crossed. I can’t leave you here. It’s illegal. You have to come with me.

Abram: NO!

Me: Yes!

Abram: NO! Humph!

I try to pick Abram up. He is REALLY heavy and really strong. He starts swinging and trying to sit down. Somehow, Super Mom (that’s me, obvi) gets ahold of him and picks him up. I storm down the steps. I grab his sweatshirt, not his winter coat because he hates it and I don’t want to fight about that too (I’m so thoughtful). I grab his backpack and I storm out the door. I get him through the van door before he jumps out of my arms.

SEATBELTS!!

I slam my car door and throw the van into reverse.

It is at this moment that I realize it is 16 degrees outside and I am only wearing a long sleeve shirt and some leggings. Abram is going to be freezing in his sweatshirt. Maybe his teacher will not take them out for recess since its so cold. I hope not.

Finally we get to school. I let Lucy go. I Give her a big hug and apologize about the morning and tell her that I am really proud of her for doing a great job. I storm back into the car. I am having a mental dilemma. I need help. Clearly I am out of control. I am angry and I lost self control. Abram is mad and angry and I don’t know what to do. DO I take him home? Do I carry him in and request a meeting with the school counselor? What do I do? How do I redeem this situation? This is NOT how I want to drop my kids off at school.

I love my kids so much and the last thing I want to do is ruin their lives. Or their day. Both are not good. Ha.

I get back in the car and I look at Abram. Silent. Looking at his feet. Arms crossed.

Abram, I love you. I am very sorry for getting angry with you. I love you very much and I hope you can forgive me. Do you forgive me?

We get out of the car.

IT IS FREAKING FREEZING and I almost lost all of my fingers walking into that school.

We get to the entrance and I get on my knees, apologize again and give Abram a big hug and told him to have a great day.

You know what the miracle in this story is? He hugged me back. He embraced me. He hugged me. He still loves me. Sometimes I don’t know why, but they do. I didn’t deserve his love or forgiveness this morning, but he gave it to me anyway.

He never spoke to me after we got out of the car and before he left me for class… but I know he still loves me.

At 9:00 AM on Tuesday morning, I am half in tears and half on my way to happy hour.

Before I decided to write this post, I was laying in my bed texting my husband, teary eyed, praying and high on adrenaline.

Writing is a really good outlet for me and helps me sort through my feelings…

I am not a perfect Mom and sometimes I really suck. Being a parent is really hard. I am going to feel guilty about this for days. I will try to smother my children in affection when they get home from school to try and make up for my ass-holeness this morning which they will deny and I will feel sad.

So, as I set here reflecting on todays events, I am an hour late for work. I have done 0 housework (sorry Ryan!). I am cold. I am sad. I am disappointed. But, I also have hope. I have hope that God will redeem this situation. I have hope that one day, we will not have days like this. Maybe I will have many days like this until I get to Heaven, but I will not have days like this in Heaven. And lastly, I am grateful. I am grateful that I am not alone. I am grateful that I have children that will love me one day (haha) and I am grateful that everyday is an opportunity to become a better person. In the Christian world be call this sanctification, but for everyone, isn’t every opportunity an opportunity to grow and learn? We still fail, I will fail again, but that is just another opportunity to try again.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.  Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4

 

And, now I am an hour and 15 minutes late for work…

 

=)

 

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Worst Morning Ever: Part 1

I have to write this. Please do not judge me about the situation that took place this morning. It’s ok if you do,  as long as you know you’re not perfect either. #momlife

This is my son Abram. Some of you may (or may not) know that he is a seriously difficult kid. Cute and funny, but difficult. Oh my word.

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He is pretty cute though, right?

Abram has so many great qualities. It took a long time to see them because the negative in his personality far outweighed the positive. As he has gotten older those positive traits have been able to come out and I have been able to enjoy him so much more. Don’t get me wrong, he is my son and I love him more than anything, but I have not always *enjoyed* him.

For the past year Abram has been in therapy at Kennedy Krieger. I have been saving this post for his “graduation day” but today, I need to talk about it.

I will give you a few brief details about what I just shared.

First, KK is AMAZING and we have been 100% satisfied with he services we have received there. They have given me the tools to properly support, care and discipline my children and have given Abram the tools he needs to deal with his issues.  I am a better Mom to my children because of our time there.

What are Abram’s issues? <’cause I got issues, but you got ’em too> Sorry, musical interlude.

I say issues because you understand what I mean when I say issues, but really it is just that Abram needs some extra support with some things that he struggles with.  I got to a point where I felt helpless and I did not know what else to do to help my son. Things weren’t changing or getting better and I could see that if things didn’t improve, I wasn’t sure what might come of my son or our family in the future.

Abram has a very “passionate” disposition. That means that whether Abram is happy or angry, it is expressed with sincere passion. As you can imagine, passionately happy is not a challenge. Passionately angry… well this creates some issues. Abram also struggles with mild anxiety and has some mild sensory issues that are triggers for his behavioral outbursts (before I knew it was a sensory thing, I thought he had a mild version of OCD, if that helps you understand what “sensory thing” is and didn’t feel like google-ing it).

Since we started going to Kennedy Krieger last year, Abram ‘s behavior is about 85% better than it was prior to therapy which means Abram’s quality of life is better and so is it for the people around him. Mainly his family. Mainly me. And Lucy because she isn’t getting beat up any more. Well, maybe pushed once in a while.

So, that is all I am goin to share about that but I would LOVE to talk with you more if you have questions or would like more information on our situation. I am an open book and do not mind sharing these things with you. My recommendation though, if you feel that you are at wits end with your strong willed or difficult child, or you feel that you do not have the skills to properly parent your child (for any reason), seeking help or support will be the best thing you ever did for your child… and yourself. I was apprehensive for various reasons but I am so glad that we made this decision.

_________________________

With all of that being said, we still have bad days. Bad season. Bas moments. This morning, not an exception.

I knew that today would be a hard day. The children have been able to sleep in as long as they have wanted all break and have had little routine in the mornings since we haven’t had to run around to get ready for school. It has been wonderful.

I thought my struggle today would be with Lucy since she is the child that does not like school and does not like mornings. However, she surprised me when she willingly got ready for school in an appropriate time frame with minimal complaints. Yay for Lucy!

Abram, well, I had to nudge and encourage him a bit more because he over slept a little and left himself little “chill time” before we had to get out the door. The hardest part of the morning for Abram is getting dressed. Not because he doesn’t want to, but like I mentioned above, he’s a little particular about things. Particularly how his clothes fit, or feel. We pick his clothes out the night before to avoid outfit fights but though his outfit may be something he has worn 10 times, if it is a little stretched or tight or short (or not perfectly square to his toes…) on a particular morning, then comes the tantrum.

We are working on how to properly communicate our feeling when this happens but this is a big trigger for him and  will likely turns into a tantrum. Once he gets mad, he shuts down and there is little we can do to get him out of his “mood”. On a weekend or any time we are not under a time constraint, this situation may be handled a bit differently and have a different outcome but when you are trying to get to school in the next five minutes so that you aren’t late… again… the heat is on.

Have I mentioned, I may have a bit of a temper too?

 

 

 

 

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The Drums

I know some of you think we are crazy for getting a musical instrument for our preschooler. A very loud musical instrument. He would have had them last year if Mr. Price didn’t put his foot down. Thankfully he came around this year and agreed to let me get a drum kit for our boy.

Abram “plays the drums” on everything and talks about wanting to play the big drums when he gets older so naturally I wanted to help cultivate the musical side of my son, even if it meant a few disturbances here and there…

Today, Abram was up in his room practicing his drums to his favorite song. He had the song on repeat and played it over and over, each time I could here him picking up a different rhythm or trying to figure out how to play a combination he was hearing. This made me start to cry.

Why did I cry? Like, Literally cry?  I started to cry because I prayed for this.

While I was pregnant with both of my children, I prayed very specific things for them. Some things were physical, some prayers included interests and personality traits. I prayed that both of my children would be musical. I prayed that Lucy would particularly be gifted in singing and Abram instrumentally. Now I am not sure about Lucy (It’s not lookin’ good) but I can say that I definitely can see a love for instruments in Abram. He’s four, he is definitely not good yet, but I can see his passion da diligence to learn.

I always cry when I see my prayers answered in my children. It reminds me that God hears our prayers, even the really little ones deep down in our heart that we don’t think is so important. God listens, he hears, he answers. Now, he doesn’t always answer the way we would hope, or as soon as we would hope, but he does answer. [I am still waiting for my Whitney Houston voice and Ryan is still waiting to turn into a Monkey for a day (true story).]

Our children could have turned out any way He wanted them to, but that fact that God took my hearts desires into consideration, I am grateful. And thankful. And I feel loved and cared for because I know that someone is always listening and always there, even when I feel alone. Sure, I really hoped that my prayers would be answered, and I would have been fine if they weren’t, but this one prayer was, and, I use a lot of commas. <wink>

So anyway, today while he was up in his room doin his thing, I tried to sneak a few pictures and videos because I thought it was so sweet. Apparently I am not that stealthy because he caught me right away.

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PS. Everyone has rooms that look like this, right?

PPS. When can I stop buying Goodnights?!

 

=)

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End of Summer Blues

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(Raise your hand if you are team Kohr Brothers)

Where did the summer go? It’s gone but I honestly can’t remember what I did with half of it! Too fast. I’m sad.

I may be in the minority here when I say that I am really sad to send my kids back to school. I love having them home with me so much, even though they are often the cause of most of my emotional issues.

I could keep crying. This won’t happen every year, right? I thought I’d be good after Kindergarten.

Also, Lucy’s new first grade teacher is “big on Homework”. Ugh! I have NEVER been good with homework. I’m nervous. I am sorry Lucy if you fail first grade because your Mom stinks at doing Homework. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Have I mentioned that my daughter is boy crazy? Well, she is. She is totally into love and “romance”… I can’t change it, it is who she is. I definitely try not to encourage it, but I can’t stop it either. So, can you imagine her delight when she found out her “boyfriend” was going to be in her class this year. Please note that this “boyfriend” does not know that he is her “boyfriend”. If you could have seen her face when she saw him walk into her classroom at Back to School Night this evening… oh my goodness… I just can’t. Think, high school boy crush face… rosy cheeks and all. What in the world am I going to do when she is 16?!

I am going to miss you Lu. I hope that you rock first grade like you rocked Kindergarten. You are amazingly bright and spunky and I love you so much. Be the light God created you to be!


Abram turned FOUR this weekend. I can’t believe he is four, he is my baby. Four doesn’t seem as old as it did with my first. Isn’t that weird? With Lucy I thought four was so old and I had all of these unreasonable expectations for her as a four year old. Now with Abram I’m all like “I guess you should start wiping your own butt” and I still want to carry him around even though he’s way too heavy and he crushes my lungs.

I am hoping that with this new year he will develop a little more self-control and anger coping skills. I also hope he learns to wipe his own butt and learn his ABC’s because he’s supposed to go to Kindergarten next year and to him, there are still only eight letters in the alphabet.

I love Abram so much. He is by far the most difficult child I have EVER met yet he is also at the same time the most loving child I have ever met. He loves his Mamma and tells me I am beautiful all of the time.He’s so affectionate and complimentary. Thank goodness because with all the stress he causes I need a reason to like him. Joking-ish.

Abram is passionate. Whether he is happy or sad or angry, he I passionate about it. Raising a strong willed passionate child is NOT easy, however I am very excited to see where such passion will take him as a young man. I prayed for Abram when I was pregnant, that the Lord would make him a strong leader, well… I guess I should have thought about that a little harder when I prayed that. I am thankful for the Lord’s answered prayer but OH MAN… I should have thought that one through…

You probably will not care about this but for my own records… Abram’s favorites are pizza, mac & cheese and cereal. The only vegetable I can get him to eat is cucumber and sometimes he will take a bite of a carrot. He is a picky eater and is very particular about how things are cut (symmetrically) and having proper utensils. Actually, he is very particular about everything which leads me to wonder if he has a mild case of OCD, or if this is just an interesting faze? I guess time will tell. Another specific example of this as I will want to remember in the future is how his socks have to be perfectly square to his toes, his blankets have to be positioned in a specific order and his shoes have to be tied juuuust right while the laces can’t touch the ground.

Abram’s favorite bedtime song is still Twinkle Twinkle. Abram always volunteers to be the one to pray before dinner. His favorite books are Pizza Pat, The Little Puppy and the Big Green Monster, Goodnight Already, Look and Find books and any book from the Library with Super Heroes.

Abram’s favorite things are weapons (all kinds), Ninja Turtles, watching movies, T-Ball and Soccer, playing with Daddy in “the jumpy house” we keep in our basement, swimming and snuggling with Mommy. And his big Sister Lucy whom he loves and admires, and picks on constantly. When Abram grows up he wants to be a Police Man.

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Ugh. Guess I’ll try to go to bed now. I don’t want to…

One more day until school…

=o/

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Holy Bad Day

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Today, has been a hard day.

Think, “if I wasn’t in a public place right now someone would be really hurt” kind of a day. Fo realz.

Half serious.

Thank goodness I was in public.

It has been some time since I have had one of these. My blood pressure is still boiling. I can understand how some Mom’s turn into secret alcoholics. I am not saying that I would, but it is days like today that I can understand how some women get there. Phew.

Three is one of my favorite ages, but also at the same time one of the HARDEST ages. In my opinion.  How is it possible that someone can be SO, so sweet and loving and funny and then the next minute turn into [Linda Blair and Hulk had a baby]?!

It’s nap time now. Part of me wants to fall asleep to rejuvenate for the second half of the day, part of me wants to stay awake and do ABSOLUTLEY NOTHING so that I can have real quiet time and a small (small) part of me wants to do some chores so that it looks like I was productive today when important people come home. Hopefully they come home by themselves because if they bring a friend I will have to have done more chores. Decisions, decisions. ZZZZZZZZZZ…….

Thanks for letting me vent.

And, a word of truth to all of those sharing in my bad day…

1 Thessalonians 5:18: “ give thanks in all circumstances…”

All circumstances? Really? Ok. Well, thank you Lord that I did not kill my Son in anger. Thank you that I have a son and that I am blessed enough to have a bad day because of my blessed children. Thank you that this situation has caused me to come to you when I may not have if I was having an easy day. Thank you for nap time. Thank you promising to carry me through bad days (psalm 50:15, 1peter5:7, nahum1:7…). It would have been better for me if I wasn’t having a bad day, if I am being honest, but for some reason you want to teach me something through this, so… forgive me for my anger, forgive me for being tempted to turn to a glass of wine for comfort (and chocolate), forgive me for not being more patient with my children, help me to have patience, to have wisdom and, well, help me to be overflowing with every single fruit of the spirit. Amen.

Cheers!

=)

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Potty Training Success

This is not a “How To” on Successfully Potty Training Your Child.

Honestly, I am quite surprised that we are all potty trained over here. Well, of course WE are potty trained… you know what I mean.

As I have mentioned before in previous posts, Abram is not the easiest Child. Don’t get me wrong, I love him and his cranky, independent, aggressive self. But, nothing except sleep training, has been easy with him. So when the time came to start potty training (which I had been putting off for a while), I was ready for battle. This is the truth. I waited to start potty training him until I felt that I could handle the exhaustion of the struggle associated with potty training him. He was ready, I was not.

It took Abram two days, TWO DAYS to be fully potty trained. WHAT?! Who are you?! Believe me, I was thanking the high Heavens for this miraculous mystery.  I let him pick out his own undies and a potty that sings when you pee and that is all he needed. Once he put on his boxer shorts for the first time (which are literally the cutest things ever) he never wanted a diaper again. W even had to fight at nighttime to put on a diaper.

In the past two months he has probably had a hand full of accidents. He still wears a diaper at night because he cant hold it that long but other than that, he’s golden (I plan to switch to pull-ups but Ryan had just bought a giant box of diapers the week before we started training).

Of course, there have been a few funny incidents. Ryan almost immediately was trying to teach him to pee standing up which I didn’t want because I knew that was going to be too much work for me. Well, of course once Ryan did that Abram would never sit down to pee again. He actually has a pretty good shot so it hasn’t been too rough with the mess. One of the first two days while we were in a crowded bathroom at Church, I was trying to get Abram to sit down and pee before the service started. He started demanding “No, like Daddy does, like  Daddy does”! I figured out that he meant he wanted to pee like Daddy does. So I let him do it. He did such a great job I yelled “Good Job Bud! You did it! You did it just like Daddy!”. Then I realized where I was and that everyone could hear me. Ha-Ha. Oops.

Of course we have had the random pull your pants down in Grandmom’s backyard and just start peeing incident. One time we had to pee outside because we were at an event and he says ” Wook Mom, I’m watering flowers!”.  Another funny thing is that he calls pee “poop” instead so he says “gotto poop!” all of the time and it is funny. Lastly, he refuses to wear “tighty whiteys” and hates wearing pants or shorts over his underwear. He is getting used to it now but that has been the extent of our struggles. He wants to wear underwear everywhere.

 

I am so proud of him and so thankful I didn’t have to use all of that energy I was preparing to use. Ha

 

If you were hoping for advice, the only advice I can suggest that worked for my two is to go straight to underwear and don’t go back. Pull-ups feel similar to diapers so sometimes they get confused. Lucy never pee’d in her undies but would go in the pull-ups and even her training underwear (the thicker padded ones). Rewards help too, especially for getting them to poop on the potty because they don’t like it at first. Other than that ask someone else because I had two easy kids when it came to potty training.

abe

 

 

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I’m Two and Kind of Terrible

Abram (2)

Hello. I’m Abram. Aren’t I cute? Yeah, I know. I know how to work it.

Do you like my shirt? I prefer to wear clothes that only have balls on them. My Mom tries to get me to wear other types of clothing (you know, like stripes or shirts with words- yuck!) but I give her a fit until she finds something I like.

You know what else I like to do? Eat. I love to eat. I am always “hungey”. My Mom tries to get me to eat healthy stuff but I refuse to eat until she finally gives me cereal. It would have been a whole lot easier on her if she had just given me what I wanted in the first place!

My Mom, I love that lady. In fact, I love her so much that when other kids (like my Sister) try to play with her or sit on her lap, I push them off or yell and cry until there is room for me. I know she is great and all but she is all MINE! Well, except when she tries to put clothes on me… then I run from her.

Oh man. This is the funniest thing. I just figured out how to shoot snot out of my nose. My Mom HATES it when I do that. If I really want to make her mad, after she like, makes me put on my seat belt or tells me “no”, I just snot everywhere. It’s awesome.

I hate the Dr. My Mom tried to take me there to get a check-up (why do I need a check-up? I’m Fine!). OH NO! I was not having it! I know what they do there. They like, take my temperature and like, make me stand on this thing that tell my Mom how much food I’ve been eating. Don’t worry, I figured out how to get out of there right quick. I basically just scream and cry and yell and shake and kick and yell until everyone leaves me alone. I thought it was a good idea but my Mom was NOT happy! She told Dad that he had to take me to the Dr. from now on. I guess I should have thought that one through.

The girls in my house can’t understand why I like to beat things up so much. I mean, who doesn’t like a good fight? Why would God make me so strong if I wasn’t allowed to hit anyone? They don’t get it.

Also, I met this girl. She’s pretty cool I guess. Her name is Anna. She likes to build Snowmen and ride bikes around the hallway. That is so cool. Mom doesn’t let me see her that much even though I ask her everyday. That’s okay. I have a recording of her singing that I get to listen to in the car when I “do a good job”… whatever that means. She’s my favorite.

You know what else is my favorite? Fish! I just turned two and my Mom and Dad took me to the big place that has all of the fish. You know, where Nemo lives! I love it there! They have BIG SHARKS!  And Nemo! Please Mom… I want to “SEE FISH”!

I better go now. My Sister wants me to go jump on the bed with her. I might go chase the dog. Oooo, maybe I will go sneak some goldfish. Or sneak my binky out of my bed. Or poop. Who knows, I can do whatever I want! I run this joint!

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