Tag Archives: nausea

The Wait- Our Story

First, let me thank everyone for their love and support regarding our pregnancy announcement. We are so blessed to have so many caring friends and family!

Secondly, I am sensitive to the fact that this news may have caused some a little heart ache. I too can relate because I also have struggled with infertility for the past three years. In hind sight, three years is not that long and we do have other children, but regardless, the desire to have children and the frustration that is associated with the inability to get pregnant, whether first or fifth, is similar. I felt the same disappointment month after month and the same little pain in my heart when another friend shared that they were expecting. Of course I was happy for them, but a little part of you feels sorry for yourself too. So, I just want all of you who are struggling with infertility to know that I am sorry that our exciting news caused you a little pain and I hope and pray that you too, when the time is right, will have the opportunity to share your own exciting news (whether it be through the gift of adoption, foster care or getting pregnant naturally)!

Random unorganized thoughts below…

Because we already have two wonderful children we were not going to seek a Fertility Specialist in order to get pregnant again (though I have been seeing a Holistic Nutritionist that I believe was a contributing factor to our ability to conceive). Ryan and I  decided that we were most likely going to pursue adoption seriously after our exchange student left us this Summer.

Prior to my pregnancy, I was having a pre-midlife crisis. Abram will be starting Kindergarten in the Fall and therefore I will have both children in school fulltime. I have always imagined my life being only a Stay-at-Home Mom to a handful of children. Though I knew I still wanted to mostly be at home when my children were in school, I would most likely have to go back to work part time or go back to school which was not easy to come to terms with. I knew I would eventually be doing this, but not yet! I am not ready for this season of my life to be over!

Who am I?

Eventually, the idea of going back to school and growing in my very part-time career seemed exciting to me. The future for us changed in my mind and it didn’t look so bad. We started to plan a family trip to Europe and figure out ways to pay off debt quicker so we can moooove. Life might be okay for us. Of course it will. If it’s Gods plan for us to only have two children, his plan is what is best for us. That doesn’t mean I liked His plan right away or still didn’t hope that my dream of more children might come true one day, but he has a different plan for us and I can be excited about that.

Skip forward a few months…

I am unusually “late” so I decided to take a test. “MOM! There are two lines!!” What the… is this real? I have been used to seeing one line for so long that I thought I was seeing things when two popped up. (PSA- Dollar Store PTs work just fine.)

“I do not know how to feel about this! I think I am happy. I’m happy. Oh no, what about Europe?! This is weird. WHAT, is Ryan going to think?! Exciting. But Europe. There is a baby in there!”

Ryan was supportive when I told him.

Skip forward a few weeks.

Sick. Sick. Sick. Ughhhhhhhhhhh……

It is hard to feel excited about something when that something makes you feel like death. I am almost 16 weeks and I am just starting to come out of the sick. I most likely will still have bouts of all day nausea until my third trimester. My belly keeps growing but I can’t understand why, it hasn’t fully sunk in that I am actually pregnant. I hate food. I hate smells. I LOVE sleep. I hate food. If any one of you make brussel spouts, do not stand within a mile of me.

Lucy cried. She is not excited. Abram is SO happy and tells me all the time how much he loves my baby and is so excited. His excitement has helped me get through the sickness, his joy is infectious.

I am overwhelmed and excited. Nervous and happy. Anxious and in disbelief. We are going to be parents of three. What the crap was God thinking when he opened my womb?! =0P

new bro

 

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Baby Price #2: 16 Weeks

Well Darling, you are finally starting to allow me to enjoy life again. The nausea is slowly dissipating… I feel better with each day. I am still randomly vomiting but unlike my first pregnancy vomiting actually makes me feel better so I don’t really mind!

Thank you also for allowing me to eat healthy foods again. I really appreciate the gesture. I’m still kind of getting grossed out by vegetables (mainly broccoli) but at least im not craving fast food!! Horay!

You are getting big. Technically you are only the size of an apple but I have a distinctive baby belly that I am pretty sure didn’t show up with Lucy until around 4 1/2-5 mo. I still have only gained a total of 1lb but now that I am allowed to eat more (thanks again) that will probably change by my next appointment.

I really like chocolate and vanilla ice cream mixed together and slightly melted.

My Ultrasound is on March 16 so hopefully we will find out what kind of child you will be. Your sister wants you to be a girl, your Daddy wants you to be a boy. I honestly don’t care what you are. I might cry if you are a boy just because I really want Ryan (your Dad) to have a son. Either way I will be happy that you are healthy and a good sleeper. Right?

Just so you know, among the males and females on your Dad’s side of the family there are seven of each (officially) so you are the tie breaker. No pressure or anything.

I have to tell you also that I am a little nervous about having another child. Growing up I have ALWAYS wanted a massive amount of children. 10. I grew up a little and agreed with your Dad that four would be a good amount. Now I am not so sure.  #1- Birthing you. #2- Lack of sleep. #3- Nursing (love/hate). #4-Sleep training. #5- I’m afraid I wont be a good mother to the both of you equally. I’m afraid that one of you will feel left out or less loved. I’m afraid that Lucy will be jealous and resent you and resent her father and I for bringing another child into the family. I’m afraid you will feel like you are not part of the family.

I know all of these things are probably normal concerns and silly concerns. I know that God will help me every step of the way, like he has and is right now. I know that there is so much love in this family that you and your sister couldn’t possibly feel anything but love from the both of us equally. I know that after I birth you I will eventually get sleep and eventually stop nursing and you will be big and I will miss those things . We already love you and we don’t know anything about you. I hope you’re not ugly. Just kidding.

Oh, and one more interesting factoid. My midwife told me that after you have a Cesarean you should wait two years until you start trying to have another baby (no one ever told me that). Well, we had been trying for you for 8 months and I got pregnant almost exactly two years after I gave birth to Lucy. Isn’t that amazing?! I like to think that God was keeping me from getting pregnant because He was protecting my body from any harm that could come to it from getting pregnant too soon.

I knew that when I was supposed to be pregnant I would be and though I sometimes would get anxious and frustrated because I wasn’t, I knew that God had a reason and I just had to trust Him. Sometimes you never will find out a reason why God does what He does but I like to think that He let me know the reason for this one. God hand-picked you for me. He knew the perfect timing and when the time was right he planted you in my womb. We may not know a single thing about you but He already does. Your days are numbered and He has a good plan for you.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
Psalm 139:13-16

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Baby #2: 11 Weeks

That is right, I am approaching my second trimester. I can see the sun over the horizon. Hopefully this dreadful nausea will be gone before I know it. I don’t want to speak too soon, I know it could stick around, but please Lord let this leave me! I need to get back to being a productive member of society again. I have a husband and daughter who miss me and want me to start cleaning their rooms and making their meals again.

Thank you for listening.

I had another appointment with my mid-wife last week (did I mention I switched Dr. ? Later post.). Things are looking pretty normal. In case you were wondering, it looks as if there is only one baby in there. I am relieved, though, it would be nice to knock two out at once. I don’t really like being pregnant. I don’t hate it and I’m sure it will get better but it is NOT fun right now. No sir.

Can you believe that I have only gained 1 pound in 11 weeks?! What the crap? All I eat is fast food and sugar. Cereal and Ice cream. In fact, last week I ate two entire packs of Little Debbie Nutty Bars in a row. One right after another. I could have kept going if my conscious didn’t step in and tell me to hide them. How in the world is this possible? 1 pound? The only rationale I can think of is that all my lying around has caused me to lose muscle mass so the fat (which weighs less than muscle) has just been filling in the holes where muscle used to be. Oh how I miss you tight butt. Sorry.

I am usually not thankful for my Iphone (it is so distracting and keeps me completely controlled by its amazingness) but I was able to record the heartbeat of the baby so that Lucy and Ryan could hear it when I got home. I love it. I can play it over and over to remind myself that all this trouble is due to a beautiful little baby developing inside of me. I also am hoping that hearing this will help make it a little bit more real for Lucy as well.

I am having really crazy and vivid dreams. I don’t really sleep at night, I am dreaming like there is no tomorrow. This is really annoying. Anyone have any tips to stop it? I don’t eat spicy food.

I’m getting a bump. It is a mushy one, but it is coming. My uterus is growing and pushing everything up so it is really just all of my organs sticking out. Either way it is the in between maternity shirts and regular shirts belly. The you have to wear baggy shirts or people are just going to think you have gained some weight belly.

 

I hope that this whole post was not in gibberish because my brain feels empty.

 

Go Ravens!

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